On the Outside

Even as a kid I was always on the outside. I never quite fit in with any clique. Not with the popular kids or the nerds or the freaks or anyone. I have always been a bit of an introvert. OK alot of an introvert but it never really bothered me too much until recent years.

In the last 10 years I’ve slowly realized that I *need* friends… but there’s a problem. I have a hard time making friends. Oh, its not for lack of trying. For example, when we first moved to Michigan, I set up a weekly playdate group at my house. I had 6 girls about Mikayla’s age dropped off every week for 3 hours to play. The moms were invited in for coffee and chatting. Did any of them ever stay? No. They would just drop their girls off and go run errands. No matter how much I’d try to engage them in chit chat at the door, no one ever wanted to simply stay for some adult socialization. I was just a free babysitter I guess.

And it has continued like that. I don’t know what it is… maybe it is my ill-at-ease when I am with other people. I never know just what to say. Oh, I can talk forever about photography, baby carriers, diapers, the Bible and such. But most the moms around here have “real” lives outside of their kids. While I am knee deep in toddler tantrums and poopy diapers, they have careers, yoga, and Starbucks. To add more to the fire, I’m also a freak of sorts.

I am a natural parenting, green cleaners user, babywearing co-sleeping extended-breastfeeding bonding, homeschooling, conservative, fundamental (but non-judgmental and non-legalistic - yea, does that goes against the very stereotype of fundamental or what?), intelligent Christian STAY AT HOME mom with a odd but dry sense of humor. Wow… that was a mouth full! LOL

You see around here… I feel the critical stares because I gave up a high-paying career to stay at home with my kids. I hear the comments when I wear my babies in a piece of cloth instead of pushing a fancy schmancy stroller. I sense the condemnation when I refuse to gossip about others.

I don’t fit in with the “natural parenting” moms around here because most (not all, mind you) of them are New Age/Atheist/Wicca/etc. Not that I am against the people who practice a different religion (or none at all) from me… only that my spirituality affects every piece of me. It is hard to relate to someone when your reasoning makes no sense to them. I don’t know if I explained what I am meaning well enough… I guess what I am saying is the way I live my life, that I believe I’m to be a helpmeet to my husband, the way I parent everything about me is all wrapped in who I am in Christ. And often that - unintentionally - can be a barrier of sorts.) The few that I could relate to live too far away (and the distance is made even further with over $4/gallon gas!)

I don’t fit in with many Christians, because I get criticism because I co-sleep and don’t spank my kids (I’m spoiling my kids because I spare the rod… never mind that I believe that verse has been wrongly interpreted by most who use it to justify spanking their kids but I digress… that is for another post on another day).

Just where do I fit in if I don’t even feel accepted by the body of Christ?

And I know it is not just me… my husband doesn’t fit in anywhere here either. He doesn’t have any friends to speak of and that worries me. He needs other guys to relate to just as I need other women. But he doesn’t fit in at his work where priorities are on the career instead of the family. Or conversations center around this or that “hot looking” woman instead of Godly things. And he just doesn’t fit in. And it is not like he hasn’t tried either.

The sad thing… at least I do have a best friend in this world even I can’t talk to her or visit her often because she lives so far away. Hubby has no one…

And with no family up here for support, we often feel alone.

How does one change this situation?

We’ve joined homeschooling, parenting, etc. groups. Shoot! I created the natural parenting group that exists around here 2 years ago! I run a MI natural parenting forum as a means to meet more moms and dads in the local area.  And we have met several nice people through the groups. But nothing ever deepens beyond a superficial relationship.

We like our church ok. But we just don’t fit in. *sigh*

We often ask ourselves, is it us?

What are we doing, saying, not doing, that prevents us from having meaningful real relationships with others?

I don’t know. Perhaps I’ve already lost you. Today I just felt the need to vent and unload a bit.  Something that has been on my mind for a long time.

Maybe I’m just feeling a bit blue today I guess…