Depression…

Unfortunately, for some of us, pregnancy is not kind to us.  We don’t “glow”.  We don’t have fuller hair or beautiful skin.  When we gain weight, we gain it everywhere.  With Rachel, I swear every inch on my body gained the weight.

And hormones…  they are not kind to me, either.  With each pregnancy I have suffered from PPD.  Not mildly.  But to the extremes.  And this pregnancy is no different.  I feel myself sliding into that deep dark pit of hell.  And in that hell, I withdraw from the world, cry uncontrollably for no reason, and feel despair.  I can be in a crowd but feel so alone.

But this time around, things *are* a bit different.  I’m starting now to reach out. This time I am networked into 2 natural parenting groups.  If I go MIA, someone asks about me.  I opened my email last night.  Email that I typically scan but don’t have the energy to reply to.  But one subject line caught my attention:   “Christine, where are you?”

Leslie was wondering about me??  How could I not respond?  When I was in depression with Rachel, I wouldn’t have responded. No matter how many times someone emailed me, called me on the phone leaving messages…

But this time… this time it is different.  I respond.  And am rewarded with the knowledge that this time… things WILL be different.  People do care.  I don’t have to go through that pit of hell alone. Because I am not alone.

I shared my depression on the forum that I run.  The result?  A momma, Weslee, came over to my house and fixed me breakfast and dragged me out of the house.

2 days later, she came over as did another mom for a “craft party”.  I learned how to sew.

And that’s what a depressed momma needs… caring friends who come over and take action.  Who show their concern and love in action…  we will withdraw if given the chance.  So if you know someone who suffers from depression… who is going through PPD or is affected by the raging hormones of pregnancy…  go to them and don’t give them a chance to refuse you.  They need you… even if they outwardly refuse you.

I am trying some low intervention, natural methods to control my depression first.  I know I may need to go back on Zoloft.  But I also know that this time…  I have help from friends.  I am not alone for I have God has blessed me with friends who won’t allow me to be alone.