Eulogy for Jeremy

The following is a eulogy that I wrote for my cousin, Jeremy M. Stuck, after his death in a motorcycle accident on August 13, 2005. For cousins who lived 1000 miles apart all of our lives, Jeremy and I were pretty close. His death was tragic because he left a wife and 2 beautiful young daughters behind, not to mention mother, father, brother and sister, numerous aunts, uncles and cousins, and friends without number. It was particularly tragic to me because Jeremy and I never got the chance to talk after my conversion to Jesus Christ. Jeremy loved living his life on the edge and, although he was the nicest guy on earth, I can’t really say for sure where he stood on life, death, afterlife and Jesus Christ.

I went to Jeremy’s funeral in Franklin, PA. The night that I arrived, I couldn’t sleep and I had this overwhelming urge to write a eulogy for him. I ended up in the bathroom from 1 to 3 in the morning writing it (I didn’t want to wake anybody else in the house up with the lights). After I finished, I felt a sense of relief and was finally able to get some sleep. I fully intended to deliver this speech in its present form at his wake. I told his father that I had something that I wanted to say and we kept waiting for an opportunity, but were ultimately pre-empted by a reciting of the Rosary. I was also prepared to give this speech at his funeral the next day, but never got the opportunity. After the internment, his father asked me to send the eulogy in an email so that he could read it, but I have held on to it for reasons that I will explain here.

I believe that God willed for me to write this eulogy and publish it, but I could not understand why He did not allow me to deliver it at Jeremy’s wake or funeral. Was it just not good enough? Maybe…. After giving the matter some thought, I think that maybe I have at least some small insight as to why. The funeral was held in a Roman Catholic cathedral because Jeremy was raised in the Catholic church. I am a fundamentalist, evangelical, born-again Christian who believes in the Bible as the absolute, ultimate, inerrant and authoritative Word of God. As such, I have fundamental differences with the Roman Catholic Church regarding most of their doctrines. I consider these differences to be so crucial as to affect the very heart of the most important issue to man, salvation. I know that some brethren will call me a coward for not finding some way to get my message out and say that I devalued the souls of all the lost people who were in attendance those two days, but unfortunately, I’m not sure that standing up in the middle of a bunch of sorely grieving people and, by insinuation, telling them that Jeremy might not be in heaven (in spite of all their consoling among themselves that he was at least headed there) is the proper or Godly thing to do. Because of this, I have held on to this eulogy until now in the hopes that those who read it will be able to read it without the fresh pain of his passing searing their souls and will be able to have their minds and hearts open to what God may have to say to them. With that, I present the Un-presented Eulogy for Jeremy:

Hello, my name is Bryon Hogue and I am a cousin of Jeremy. I love Jeremy from the bottom of my heart. I can see many here today who love him much more deeply than I do. There’s a line from the “Wizard of Oz” in which the Wizard tells the Tin Man that “A heart is not judged by how much you love, but rather by how much you are loved by others”. Measured according to this standard, Jeremy’s heart would fill this room.

Jeremy was born on September 2, 1972 (a year and one month before me). Although I don’t remember much about the early years, I still remember the photos of when we first met; Jeremy was no more than 2 years old. We got together again in 1979 when my family came to visit Franklin after my sister was born, but because my family lived far away, we wouldn’t see each other again for nearly seven years. In 1986, my family began visiting Franklin for 2 weeks during summer break every year. I remember the highlight of the vacation for Andrea and me was always getting to see Jeremy, Chris and Gabrielle. Some years we hardly got to see them at all because they were gone on vacation at the same time. Those years just weren’t as fun. I remember the years when we ran around together, camped out on the front porch overnight waiting to put pennies under the train, went to Conneaut Lake, or went swimming at some frigid swimming hole. Jeremy was not a selfish person at all. He gave freely of his time and affection to all. He always introduced me to his friends and made me feel comfortable around them. Even though I didn’t spend all year round with Jeremy, I felt a close bond with him, closer than cousins, more like brothers. As upperclassmen in high school, we plotted to attend Penn State together. But things didn’t work out that way. Jeremy joined the Navy and I went on to school. I remember the stark contrast when he joined: before he went in he was a long-haired headbanger; six months later he was sporting a buzz cut. But, to be honest, it fit him very well. I’m certain that Jeremy never dishonored the Navy uniform. In many ways, I envied Jeremy. He was able to spend his childhood growing up in one place, knowing the same kids from elementary and seeing his relative more than once a year for 2 weeks. He was able to serve his country in the Armed Forces, something that was a lifelong dream for me. He was good-looking and very athletic. He seemed so confident and sure of himself. Most importantly, he was good-natured. He seemed to share in that wry sense of humor that is common in our family. Because of that and his genuine concern for others, he was well-liked by most, if not all. I don’t know if Jeremy ever won any popularity contests at school, but to me, he was cool.

Jeremy and I lost contact after he joined the service. He served with honor, left the Navy, got a good job and began a family with his beautiful wife and 2 daughters. The last time I saw Jeremy was during our grandparents’ 50th wedding anniversary. Ironically, it was the last time I would see either Jeremy or my grandfather. I brought my own family here to Franklin last month. I had hoped to see Jeremy while we were here. When I didn’t, I intended to send him an email to re-establish contact, but I just didn’t get around to it. I’ll have to live with that regret. But the biggest regret I’ll have to live with is that I didn’t share the most important moment of my life with him: the day I gave my life to Jesus Christ. I regret that I didn’t confess to him that the veneer of honor student and Eagle Scout that he saw was a cover for the ugly truth of sinfulness, anger and rebellion in my life. There are some here today that I have wronged and I confess and repent of those wrongs and ask for your forgiveness. I regret I didn’t get to tell Jeremy how I met the greatest Person in world history: Jesus Christ, the Son of God who was sent by the Father and willingly took on the flesh of a man, lived a completely sinless life, suffered and died by the cruelest means devised by man, endured the judgment of God in our place for our sins, and was resurrected the third day to prove His victory over sin and His promise of eternal life in Him. I didn’t tell Jeremy about the miracle of how I started reading the Bible to prove God a fake and ended up accepting His free give of salvation by faith alone. I apologize if you object to the words I am speaking. Perhaps I am being inconsiderate and insensitive. After all, who can even begin to think about God as good, loving, wise and all-powerful in the face of unspeakable tragedy, which defies the words to describe it? Perhaps I lack good judgment and a sense of appropriate timing. But Scripture says that “NOW is the day of salvation”; there is no time like the present. The apostle Paul said that he would become accursed if only his fellow Jews would accept Jesus as the Saviour. Likewise, I would gladly accept all the criticism even if only one person present today takes these words to heart.

If there is one tiny, bittersweet blessing in the midst of this painful experience, it is this: that even in death Jeremy has inspired me to reach out and share my story with those who remain behind. Thank you.