From Wild Child to God’s Child

I thought God was religion. I was born Catholic. I was raised that there was a God but received no Sunday School teachings or spiritual lessons at home. My parents were the go-on-the-holidays kind of Catholic. My parents taught me that you did not have to go to church to believe in God or to pray to God. God was everywhere and we could pray to him anywhere. Growing up in the panhandle of Florida, you are struck that there must be a God and if you was not religious, then you were of a bad sort. This was part of the Bible belt, after all.

When I struck out on my own at the age of 20, I realized there was something missing in my life. I began my search for God. I looked in a Charismatic church. However, I was terrified after the service. I was crying hysterically and wished to escape. They had tambourines and were speaking in tongues. At the time, I did not understand any of that strangeness. I was raised in quiet, serious Catholic services. The Charismatic services were too much. I didn’t think God could be there if I was scared so much.

I tried Southern Baptist. They cut down Catholics in the service I attended. I was struck with the feeling that this was not the religion for me. After all, are we not all God’s children? If so, how could they cut someone else down of another religion? I was too naïve to understand. I just knew I could not be a Southern Baptist. I tried other denominations, but nothing seemed to click. Meanwhile, I was struggling on my own, holding 2 full time jobs, while trying to go to college. I gave up on looking for God. He just didn’t seem to be around when and where I needed Him.

In 1992, I joined the United States Air Force. Suddenly, with a steady job and good income, I began to live. (Or what I thought was living.) I was stationed in Aviano, Italy. It was a place to party for the single airman. I went to Oktoberfest in Germany, Carnivali in Venice. I was at the NCO club at least 3 times a week. Jack Daniels and Coke was my beverage of choice. I could drink any man under the table. I was proud of that feat. I could not keep a real commitment to a guy. I was your typical wild girl there. But I didn’t see myself that way. After all, I didn’t smoke cigarettes or do drugs. I was basically a good person.

While in Italy, I started looking for God again. Despite all the fun, I still had this “something” that was missing. I did not know what it was but had an impression that it was God that I was looking for. But true to my past, I continued looking for Him in all the wrong places. I tried the services at the base chapel. First Catholic, then Protestant. After much disappointment, I learned that a friend was a Wiccan. As I read about this religion and talked to my friend about Wicca, I felt that perhaps this was what I was searching for. After all I was in tune with nature and the fact that earth was something to be worshipped had a romantic appeal to it. How awful could Wicca be if your first purpose was to preserve life and pray to the earth? I reasoned that the Indians did it, it couldn’t be all that bad. But something just felt… well it felt wrong. Curses and spells just felt wrong. I couldn’t understand why it felt wrong but it did. Again, I was religion-less. Therefore, I felt there was no God.

I continued my party lifestyle. I was transferred to Kelly AFB in San Antonio, TX. I got into more trouble drinking, financially, and romantically. My Air Force career was the only thing that was going right. I had a psycho ex-boyfriend who had a warrent for his arrest, stalking me, mutilating cats on my doorstep, and harassing friends. Could it get any worse?

I met my ex-husband, Jason, in a bar. We practically moved in with each other within days of meeting each other and 3 months later, we were married. We transferred to Hawaii; he was Navy and I was still in the Air Force. In 1998, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. What a miracle she was! I knew God had a hand in her birth. I knew God was there. I began to change but in ways I did not know yet. A few months later, I bought my first Bible. I did not know how to read it, and my new found “religion” did not last long. The Bible laid on the table untouched.

My marriage went untouched as well. By November 1999, my husband committed adultery and I hated him. May 2000 saw me moving to Florida to be with family. My ex-husband and I had separated. I couldn’t find work in Florida, so I moved to San Antonio where his parents live. I had no employment and no place to stay. My friends, Jennifer and Rob F., graciously opened their home to me and my 2-year-old daughter, and I cared for their children for room and board. I filed for divorce and had a restraining order on my husband. Things were bad.

Jennifer was a member of Bandera Road Community Church, a non-denominational church in San Antonio. She bugged me for several weeks to go to church with her but I kept declining. Finally one Sunday morning, she literally dragged me out of bed and to church. On the way to BRCC, we talked about adultery and forgiveness. I had been wrestling with the concept of forgiveness. I remember asking her, “If God says we must forgive others, then how do you do that?“ She didn’t know. We fell into silence.

We sat down in the church. The topic for that sermon? “To Err is Human, To Forgive is Not.” I could not believe my ears. The drama was about a wife who had cheated on her husband 4 years prior. The husband had not forgiven his wife yet despite her repentance. I could not believe my eyes. I looked at my friend as she swore she did not know the sermon was about the very thing I had been wrestling over. I still have my handout study notes. I wrote a note on it… “Go talk to Pastor Dave!!!!!” I remember talking with him after the service, and feeling I was at home at last.

Pastor Dave’s down to earth style put me at ease. I was still unsure about the music. After all, I never heard a church play rock music before. But I liked what I heard and saw. I somehow felt comfortable. The next week continued on the tract of “Fixing Your Marriage - Guaranteed!“ Two weeks later was “Affair -Proof Your Marriage”. I knew God was talking to me in a big way. All the years of gentle whisperings did not work. Now He intended to shock me. And it worked!

My eyes and ears were finally opened. I was eager to learn more about this God who had been there all along. I scheduled appointments with Miriam Callahan, BRCC’s staff counselor. She showed me how one became a Christian. I didn’t know what being “born again” meant. I had never understood there was a process to being forgiven. I told her that I was a very logical person. I needed facts. How could I trust that the Bible was right? That Jesus really existed? How could I know it was all true? She told me to test the Bible. Read it. Pray about it. Read anything I could get my hands.

I had a New Living Translation with study notes, and I read through John one time straight through. The second time I read one passage at a time, pausing to read study notes. I read John a third time meditating on each passage. The fourth time, I read only the study notes and charts. I finally read it again all the way through. I did this to Acts and Romans as well. Finally, my intellect was satisfied. On Sept 22, 2000 at 10:30pm I kneeled beside my bed as my child lay sleeping. I asked God to forgive me. I named every mistake I could think of. I told Him I believed. In Jesus I asked His help as I had to learn what He was all about and what being a Christian meant. I remember pausing in my prayer, picking my Bible up, scared I was not saying the “Sinner’s Prayer” right. I was scared but knew in my deepest corner of my heart and mind that I was doing the right thing. I was crying by the end of the prayer. The next day, I didn’t feel different. I didn’t know what I was suppose to feel. I thought I would be instantly transformed or something. Miriam was overjoyed. I couldn’t understand why. After all I was just one measly person. Who was I that she would be so happy I was a Christian?

I continued going to BRCC. As I mediated and prayed about my divorce, I realized that although I had grounds (even under God’s eyes) for divorce, what God really wanted for me was reconciliation. What God was asking was hard. I knew I couldn’t do it alone. I didn’t know how I was going to forgive my ex-husband and get back together with him. But I also knew God was right. This was to be the ultimate test to my new found faith in God. I decided to suspend the divorce procedures as my ex-husband and I went to marriage counseling with Miriam. On June 4, 2001 at the BRCC picnic I was baptized by Miriam. At that time my ex-husband was not at all interested in God, BRCC, or anything related.

A long story follows… when I converted to Christianity, I did not see bells & whistles. Life did not get better and everything did not get peachy keen. In fact, over the next 3 years:

* My marriage would fail - despite attempts at reconciliation.

* I would gain a fantastic webmaster computer job only to be laid off in August 2002.

* Many issues relating to helping my beautiful daughter transition after the divorce along with all of the challenges of single parenthood.

* Unemployment for 8 months with many months of figuring out how to make ends meet as a single parent. (God always somehow provided, though!)

* Then a new successful yet challenging career as an Assistant Director at the Forest Presbyterian Child Nurture Center.

* Marriage to a wonderful Christian man in 2004.

* A job relocation from the South (where I also lived) to the North (where no family or friends awaited us there).

Many trials and obstacles would test my new found faith. But this new found faith was built on a solid God, not a shaky f foundation of religion. Because of God’s ever patient love, He has shown me that I am not just one measly person in this world. I am His child that He loves. What I did not feel that next day after being born again has come to me over time as I have learned what God is all about. Now… I feel joy, peace, confidence, and optimism. Things I never had as my former pessimistic, depressed self. I read a sticker at a Christian store the other day that describes how I really feel… “I’m a Princess… and my Father is the King of Kings.” Oh how true!!

But it was God using some special people in my life to show me the way to Him… He used my friend Jennifer’s persistence, Miriam‘s wonderful, loving counseling, Pastor Dave‘s down to earth, friendly sermons and his warm personality. Because of these people I have found something priceless. God.

Your sister in Christ,
Christine
Former Wild Child
Now God’s Child

BTW, you have my permission to share this story if it helps even one person.

If it shows someone that God will never give up on them.

If it gives one searching person hope that they will find that “something“ that is missing from their lives.

If it shows how valuable even one person is to God’s Kingdom. He’ll use your everyday abilities (your persistence, your caring attitude, your friendliness) to advance His cause.